Advisors Urge Biden Not to Talk Until After Super Tuesday

(Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

PHILADELPHIA, PA – After a series of gaffes over the last few weeks, key advisors to former Vice President Joe Biden have suggested the candidate not talk until after the “Super Tuesday” democratic primaries on March 3, 2020.

The advice comes after Biden misspoke on several occasions, including his statement that “poor kids are just as bright and talented as white kids,” repeatedly confusing British Prime Minister Theresa May with Margaret Thatcher, and claiming that he was the Vice President at the time of the school shooting in Parkland, Florida which took place in 2018, two years after leaving office. Advisors worry that democratic voters are beginning to question Biden’s fitness to defeat President Trump and be commander-in-chief.

“It’s been a bit of a challenge, to say the least, running damage control every time Joe opens his mouth,” said Kate Bedingfield, communications director for the Biden campaign, adding “we’ve looked at several options, and came to the conclusion that it might be best if Joe just didn’t talk at all, at least not for the next several months.”

In order to mitigate some of the potentially damaging misstatements by the candidate, the campaign hired veteran speech coach Michael Sheehan, who had previously worked with presidents Barack Obama and Bill Clinton.

“We worked for over an hour just on the line ‘text Join to 30330’ and somehow he managed to bungle that at the debate. Then, last weekend he brings up the mass shootings in Houston and Michigan. I think at this point, he’s just better off with a muzzle,” Sheehan told BeetPress.

According to sources within the campaign, advisors feel that Biden currently has enough support and favorable polling to get him through Super Tuesday without the need for speeches, rallies, or public statements, noting that such engagement would further erode his chances of securing the nomination.

When asked how he’d handle the debate without being able to talk, Bedingfield said they’d just tell the moderators that Biden has laryngitis or something.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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