Epstein Dead, Bill Clinton Randomly Trends on Twitter

NEW YORK, NY – The nation awoke to the shocking news that Billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein had died, another life tragically taken by suicide.

Epstein, 66, was awaiting trial at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan on federal charges of sex trafficking of minors. Authorities discovered his body in his cell early Saturday morning.

In completely unrelated news, Bill Clinton is trending on Twitter with sources reporting that over 71,000 tweets have been sent referencing the former president.

“It was a known fact that Mr. Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein were friends, with Mr. Clinton frequently taking trips aboard Epstein’s plane, and spending many long nights together, you know, talking about philanthropy and stuff,” said an unnamed sources, adding “I guess people are just offering their condolences to Bill Clinton on Twitter. That probably explains it.”

Another unnamed source stated “Bill Clinton has had to endure many terrible losses in his life, including those of his friends James McDougal, Vince Foster, Ron Brown… I know Mr. Epstein was facing some serious charges, but he never had his day in court. I can only imagine what Mr. Clinton must be going through at this time. I should send him some words of encouragement on Twitter.”

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton released a statement on Twitter that read “Bill and I are profoundly shocked and saddened to hear the news of Jeffrey Epstein’s tragic and untimely passing from suicide. We offer our thoughts and our prayers to his family.”

President Trump also tweeted “Sad, sad news about Jeffrey Epstein. Tragic. Suicide is never the answer. I offer my condolences to his family and friends, especially Bill Clinton. Sad day.”

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Categories: Business, Politics, Satire

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