Citing Demand, Delaney Hires Sign Spinners in 50 States

BETHESDA, MD – Sources within John Delaney’s campaign headquarters have confirmed that the democratic candidate has committed around $10 million to hire sign spinners in all 50 states.

“We’ve found that there is overwhelming demand for folks wanting to see people spinning Delaney campaign signs, and we’ve taken the bold move to deploy sign spinners in every state in the country,” said Delaney campaign spokesperson April Delaney.

After an email to [supporters] netted zero responses for volunteers to spin signs for Delaney, the campaign partnered with temp agencies and media firms from coast to coast in order to hire up to 2500 sign spinners to stand on street corners spinning signs.

According to one sign spinner who wished to remain anonymous, he received a call on Thursday from Integrity Staffing Solutions, a Philadelphia-based short-term employer to spin signs on a 12-day contract for $9 per hour. “They called and were like, are you free for the next two weeks, we have an assignment, and I was like, sure, and they were like, come pick up this sign and spin it outside of Franklin Square, so that’s what I’ve been up to.” When asked about prior experience, he replied “I spun signs for the Sprint store last month, it’s a pretty easy job.”

Democratic party strategist Joe Trippi told BeetPress “it’s a common campaign tactic to have people spinning signs to raise awareness of a particular campaign. In most cases these are volunteers who have signed on to support a candidate, so it’s a bit strange that John Delaney has decided to spend $10 million of his own money, but whatever. It’s his cash to burn.”

If the sign spinning initiative proves successful, the Delaney campaign has confirmed it will launch an airplane banner marketing campaign and purchase inflatable tube men next.

As of press time, John Delaney is polling at 0% nationally.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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