Alternate Reality Stephen Colbert Happier Just Doing Comedy

“I just never got too much into the politics,” says the comedic host of the alternate reality Late Show. “Yeah, I made a few jokes about Trump, but it’s not like I was obsessed or anything.”

Alternate Colbert says he enjoys some of the top ratings on television in his reality, where fans tune in nightly to see his comedy sketches and hilarious interviews. 

“Politics is so exhausting,” laughed more successful Colbert. “People get sick of it.  Besides, the more daring, cutting edge stuff is making fun of the outrage culture on the Internet.  Those people get offended by everything and they lose their sense of humor. Glad that didn’t happen to me!”

The alternate Colbert, who is currently in negotiations with having his show shown in our reality, had a chance to view his counterpart’s take on the Late Show.

“It’s so weird to see myself so angry and serious,” he commented. “And what’s the deal with his grilling of Tulsi Gabbard? The poor woman comes on the show expecting a comedian. I mean, am I even a Democrat anymore in this reality?”

Real Stephen Colbert did not react well to the news that his alternate self was in negotiation with the studio.  On Tuesday, he did an impromptu monologue at the top of his show about how his alternate self must be racist and homophobic and probably wishes Trump well.

“God, that was so unfunny,” laughed alternate Colbert. “Doesn’t he wish his own president well?  I mean, I may not agree with what Trump says either, but why make it so personal? That was five minutes he could’ve used to do a comedy bit.  Who are his joke writers? Some emo kids and a teenage girl on the verge of suicide? Talk about 13 reasons why I wouldn’t watch! It’s kind of sad to see me not so funny.”

Alternate reality Colbert says his show is one of the last bastions for real comedy on television, despite what alternate reality Twitter keeps complaining about.

“I had Daniel Tosh on after his rape joke, Kevin Hart on after he got booted from the Oscars—  I even had on Louis CK! For a while, it cost me and I was almost thrown off the air. But it would’ve been worth it.  I mean, if you don’t take risks in comedy, why do it at all?”

© 2019 – Tony DiGerolamo

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