BALTIMORE, MD – Outraged by the president’s recent remarks, the RCB (Rodent Committee of Baltimore) has formed the political action committee Rat PAC to impeach Donald Trump.
“My clients are mammals just like me and you,” said the RCB’s lawyer in a statement. “The president’s characterization of all rodents as flea-ridden vermin is racist and homophobic to the gay rat community. That is why it is urgent to impeach this president so my clients can go back to eating garbage as vital members of the city.”
President Trump tweeted back, “This is typical. The rats are backed by big monied interests, like George Soros, that screw the smaller mammal. Support for me is broad in the rodent community, not that the fake news media will tell you!”
“We must stop the genocide of our rodent brothers and sisters!” proclaimed Elizabeth Warren in stump speech. “I want the rats of Baltimore to know that the Democratic Party stands by you in garbage, in the sewers, and in the streets!”
“What no one is talking about,” said Julian Castro in response to the crisis. “Are the many Mexican rats trying to come to America for a better life. If elected president, I will make sure that the border is open so that all rats have the same opportunity!”
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweet a picture of a local exterminator and his van along with the words, “Murderer on our streets!”
“If elected president, I will strive to lift up our fellow mammals,” vowed Kamala Harris during a campaign stop. “I will appoint a special czar to oversee the rodent populations in Baltimore and all over the country. The United States won’t just be a place for rats to live, it will be the best place for rats to live!”
Cory Booker brought reporters into his home. He had opened all his doors and windows and covered the interior with garbage in an attempt to welcome the rats.
“You won’t see President Trump invite a rat into the White House,” said Booker coughing over the stench. “Why is that? Because he is a racist and intolerant of other species! I vow right here to be the first president to appoint a rat to a cabinet position!”
The RCB released a statement thanking all the Democrats, except for Tulsi Gabbard, for their support.
© 2019 Tony DiGerolamo