Mass Shooter Interrupts Other Mass Shooting

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – For Jesse Winters, it was just another trip to the shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon. Winters made the trip to Greenwood Park Mall, as he routinely does, to buy a birthday present for his daughter.

“I was walking toward the Forever 21 after enjoying an Orange Julius when I heard several loud bangs. Instinctively, I dove behind a large planter and began to see people running. Then I began to see people falling,” a shaken Winters told BeetPress after the incident, describing how he saw a gunman clad in all black round the corner and start shooting again. “I saw him shoot dead two young girls about 50 feet away, and then saw him aim in my direction.”

It was at that time that Winters saw the gunman get shot.

“I thought, ‘yeah, a good guy with a gun – this is what the 2nd Amendment is all about,” said Winters.

Unbeknown to Winters, a second mass shooter, clad in woodland camouflage, had entered the other end of the mall through JC Penny, killing 11 before making his way down the corridor shooting indiscriminately, inadvertently killing the other mass shooter.

Winters continued “then this other shooter walks past the dead body of the first shooter and starts shooting everyone else trying to flee the scene. The carnage was horrible!”

According to law enforcement, a total of 36 people are dead and 18 are injured, although it is unclear who was shot by which shooter. The 18 injured have all been taken to area hospitals.

During a press conference following the double mass shooting, Greenwood Police Chief John Laut told reporters “our officers were finishing up their investigation of a shooting at The Stacked Pickle that occurred Friday night when we received reports of shooting at the Greenwood Park Mall. We responded in force and found several dead and wounded, including the first suspect. Our officers engaged with the second suspect, and he was apprehended without further incident inside the Foot Locker.”

When questioned, Laut told reporters that the mass shootings are not related, but merely a coincidence, adding that his thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families.

The press conference was cut short as Chief Laut was called to respond to a shooting at O’Reilly’s Irish Bar on South Meridian Street.

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Categories: culture, Satire

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