Trump Trades in Wife for Newer Model

WASHINGTON, DC – According to White House sources, President Donald Trump has traded in his wife Melania (née Knauss) for a newer model.

“The president has gotten almost 15 years of good use from Melania, but Mr. Trump has decided to upgrade to a newer model with more horsepower,” said Mick Mulvaney, acting White House Chief of Staff, adding “the wear and tear from everyday use was starting to take its toll, and the maintenance costs are simply becoming too high to justify keeping her.”

Trump, who has always had a penchant for European models, has chosen 23 year old Czech model Karolína Mališová to be Melania’s replacement.

In a statement, the President said of the trade-in “Melania’s still a beauty – the parts are all solid, and I’m sure someone is going to get many years of good use from her. She just need a bit of engine work, her fluids replaced, and some time in the body shop, and she’ll be as good as new.”

The president reportedly decided on Mališová after taking her for a test drive following her participation in the Miss Earth Pageant in 2015, but was disappointed to find that there was an extensive wait list.

“With exotic beauties like these, you just don’t walk in and buy one. They’re custom built and highly sought after,” said the president.

While most republicans are envious of Donald Trump’s new wife, some have expressed concerns that he’s once again taken home a European model, including republican strategist Steve Schmidt, who told BeetPress “it’s just bad optics for the president to choose a foreign import when Ford has plenty of quality American models to choose from.”

As of press time, Melania was being driven to EuroWerks in Falls Church, VA for a 29-point inspection and servicing before being sold through private auction.

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Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

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