NEW YORK, NY – Upon hearing the news of billionaire David Koch’s passing at age 79, Bernie Sanders bowed his head in quiet reflection of the thousands of times he had invoked Koch’s name to represent the greed of capitalist… Read More ›
Month: August 2019
Satan Disgusted By Jeffrey Epstein’s Arrival
HELL – The Prince of Darkness vomited with rage when Jeffrey Epstein showed up in Hell. “Jesus Christ!” the Devil reportedly exclaimed, examining a scroll with a list of Epstein’s sins. “I mean— Holy shit— This guy. Holy shit!” Lucifer… Read More ›
Elizabeth Warren Campaign Struggling to Keep up with Copying Sanders
BOSTON, MA – According to sources, Elizabeth Warren has been struggling to keep up with copying Senator Bernie Sanders’ campaign platform as the 2020 democratic primary intensifies. Campaign staff, recognizing Warren’s refusal to endorse Sanders’ insurgent 2016 campaign with the… Read More ›
Concerned Citizens Mobilize to Save Amazon
SEATLLE, WA – Upon hearing the news that Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos lost $3.4 Billion in net worth as the stock market plunged last week, concerned citizens have mobilized to save the beleaguered corporation, with many distressing over… Read More ›
Susan Sarandon Most Powerful Person in America
LOS ANGELES, CA – When most people think about the most powerful and influential people in America, they often think of presidents, politicians, and captains of industry, but one person, actress Susan Sarandon, has risen to the top of global… Read More ›
Wells Fargo Informs Customer: We Invested in Beanie Babies
NEW YORK, NY – Wells Fargo Bank is facing renewed criticism after it’s been revealed that some of their investment practices going back almost 30 years have left many of its customers with far less money than they originally invested…. Read More ›
Bill Maher Aroused Seeing Stock Market Plunge
LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon seeing the Dow Jones Industrial Average tumble by over 600 points on Thursday, Bill Maher, Comedian and host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, reportedly became physically aroused. “Oh man, look at those numbers… Read More ›
