Biden Family Meets to Discuss Taking Away Joe’s Car Keys

MCLEAN, VA – The immediate family Joe Biden took advantage of the candidate’s time away at the 2nd democratic debate to meet and discuss taking away the car keys of the 76-year old former vice president, sources close to the Biden family told BeetPress.

“Dad has begun to slip these last few months,” said daughter Ashley Biden, who added “the other day he accidentally backed his Corvette Stingray into a light stanchion in the Walmart parking lot, and he’s gotten three tickets for running red lights in the last three weeks alone.”

Concern for the septuagenarian’s wellbeing extend past his ability to operate a motor vehicle, with wife Jill saying “Joe loves riding the Amtrak into DC, but the other day he got confused and ended up in Philadelphia, where he wandered the streets for several hours before he was found by the police asleep in a Starbucks. I hate to say it, but we need to start curtailing some of his freedoms.”

While the former senator has been fiercely independent his entire life, a series of small mishaps has cast doubts recently on his ability to look after himself, including an incident last month in which he was apprehended for shoplifting after unwittingly leaving a Safeway grocery store without paying for the items in his cart.

“Grandad still has a great sense of humor and is really fun to be around,” said Finnegan Biden, who continued “it’s just hard to think he’s slowing down and isn’t as sharp as he used to be.”

In the meeting, called by son Hunter, family members discussed how they’d approach the subject with the patriarch of the Biden family, and committed themselves to assisting Joe Biden with daily errands and excursions into the city.

“Dad’s running for President, and that requires a lot of fundraising meetings in DC and trips to the airport. We’re all going to have to sacrifice a little bit of our time in order to help him out. If he’s elected, I’m sure he’ll have a driver, but for now we’ve got to look after dad,” said Hunter, adding “Dad loves driving, this is going to be tough.”

If you enjoyed this article, please consider supporting us on Patreon



Categories: culture, Satire

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: