Dem Debates: All Candidates Awarded Participation Trophies

MIAMI, FL – The first set of democratic primary debates of the 2020 election season is over, and all the candidates debated their best and were presented participation trophies by moderators Chuck Todd and Rachel Maddow.

“We asked each candidate a bunch of tough questions, and they all tried their hardest to answer those questions,” said Maddow at the debate’s conclusion, adding “They all did a super job, even Tim Ryan.”

During the post-debate handshake, all the candidates beamed with big smiles, content in the knowledge that they each contributed their little part to the success of the debate.

“We don’t like to teach our candidates that there are winners and losers in debates,” explained DNC Chair Tom Perez. “If you show up, and try your best, then you are a winner, so we’ve decided to award each candidate with a trophy to show that they are an important member of the Democratic Party.”

New Jersey Senator Cory Booker praised the new DNC rules, telling BeetPress “It used to be that they’d pick a winner, and I imagine that would be really discouraging for the other politicians. Now that we’re all winners, we’re learning a lesson that teamwork is more important than one individual success if we’re going to beat Trump in 2020. But I know he tries hard too, and that effort should be recognized too.”

Although most welcome the new rule, some have argued that voters may have difficulty narrowing down the field to a single candidate to go after Trump in the general election, including CNN political commentator Chris Cillizza, who said “It’s great everyone can feel good about being a part of the debate, but at the end of the day, we can’t have 20 names on the ballot against Donald Trump. He’ll win for sure. We need to weed out some of these weaker candidates if democrats want any chance of beating Trump.”

The next debates will be held at the end of July, with the first hour dedicated to having each candidate name the thing they most admire about every other candidate.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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