Joe Sestak Seeks to Electrify 2020 Race

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Former representative Joe Sestak’s announcement that he is entering the democratic primary race is sending a shockwave of excitement throughout the nation.

“We’re looking for a winner, we’re looking for someone who can beat Trump,” said Arleen Marlowe, an Altoona-area stay-at-home mom. “I’ve been quite underwhelmed by the slate of candidates thus far, so having Joe join the race is definitely exciting.”

Sestak, a heterosexual white male who lost against Pat Toomey in the 2010 Pennsylvania Senate race, and then lost the democratic senate primary in 2016, is a bright spot in a growing field of candidates that includes the openly gay Mayor Pete Buttigieg, black female Kamala Harris, hispanic Julian Castro, Asian Andrew Yang, females Tulsi Gabbard, Elizabeth Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Marianne Williamson, and Kirstin Gillibrand, African-Americans Wayne Messam and Cory Booker, and 30 or 40 or so white men.

“This really pumps some excitement into an otherwise stale race for President,” commented CNN Political Analyst Chris Cillizza, adding “democratic voters are clamoring for a white guy who endorsed Hillary Clinton in 2016, and I truly feel that he will quickly rise to the top of the field.”

Diana Peterson, a former Sanders supporter told BeetPress “I used to be way into Bernie, but I don’t think the country really needs an old white man. That’s why I’m so excited about Joe Sestak, who’s a slightly less old white man.”

Sestak has announced that he will kick off his campaign with a discussion in the lobby of the Dairy Queen in Waterloo, Iowa Sunday afternoon.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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