Beto O’Rourke Rides on Tank, Revives Campaign

STERLING HEIGHTS, MI – In an effort to revive his flailing campaign, presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke has announced a Beto 2.0 relaunch to include a CNN town hall and a campaign visit to the General Dynamics Land Systems plant to discuss foreign policy and his strength as a potential Commander-in-Chief.

“Man, those tanks are pretty cool,” remarked the former congressman, in reference to an M1 Abrams Battle Tank on display outside of the facility, adding “sure would be cool to ride one”.

After a brief consultation between O’Rourke’s staff and Wyatt Eastman, General Dynamics Vice President of Community Relations, arrangements were made for the presidential candidate to ride in the gun turret of one of the tanks.

Following two laps around General Dynamic’s test track, a visibly excited O’Rourke posed for photographers and reporters, threw his hands in the air and yelled “I was born to be in this tank!”

The photo opportunity will undoubtedly quell any concerns that voters may have about O’Rourke’s readiness to be the Commander-in-Chief of the largest military in the world.

O’Rourke campaign strategist Jeff Berman told BeetPress “from now on, when people think of Beto, they’re going to think of him in that tank, and it’s a powerful image. If I were another candidate, or President Trump, I’d be running scared”.

Voters, including Detroit-area auto parts distributor Frank McBride, have applauded the candidate, indicating renewed support. “It’s important to me that whoever is president has a military background,” commented McBride. “I know he never served, but seeing Beto up in that tank proved to me that he’s ready to take on Iran and North Korea”.

CNN political commentator Chris Cillizza also praised O’Rourke, saying “Anyone who doesn’t think that Beto has the fortitude to lead our troops can think again, and these pictures prove it… and some now consider him unstoppable, and it’s just the beginning. Welcome back, Beto!”

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that O’Rourke is now en route to Nantucket to discuss tax policy and do a bit of windsurfing.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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