WASHINGTON, DC – Former Vice President and presidential hopeful Joe Biden is in hot water following allegations that he has plagiarized Bernie Sanders’ campaign.
At a recent rally in Alabama, Biden appeared before a crowd of dozens opening with a statement that he was thrilled to be back in the state where he, in 1965, marched with Martin Luther King, Jr. in Selma, telling the crowd “Since before I began my political career as the mayor of Burlington, Vermont, I have been fighting for racial justice, gender equality, and the rights of our LGTBQ friends”.
Biden then spoke about a range of topics that included election reform, prison reform, and breaking up the big banks, before delving into the topic of income inequality. “It is unfathomable that the top one-tenth-of-one percent own more wealth than the bottom 90 percent combined; that three families own more than the bottom fifty percent,” the former Vice President continued.
On the subject of health care, Biden told the crowd “the United States is the only major country on Earth that doesn’t guarantee healthcare as a right,” eliciting even more cheers from the audience.
As the crowd chanted ‘Biden, Biden, Biden’, Biden interrupted. saying “No, not Biden. This is not about me. This is about you. That’s why my campaign slogan is Not me. Us!”
After the applause died down, Biden explained to the crowd that he intended to finish the political revolution that he began four year ago before inviting Jerry Greenfield of Ben & Jerry’s onto the stage as Simon & Garfunkel music played in the background.
According to statistician Nate Silver, Biden’s campaign is strikingly similar to Bernie Sanders’s campaign. “From his stump speech, to this slogan, to his newly adopted Brooklyn accent, to his pledge to not take any corporate donations in favor of individual donations, it appears that Biden is copying Sanders word for word every step of the way – and it’s working! He’s up over 30 percent in most polls”.
As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Biden has had his hair plugs removed and was last seen removing a balled-up sports jacket from the trunk of his 1996 Volvo 850.
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