Huge Success for Pro-Life Movement as Alabama Rules Anyone Involved in Abortion be Executed

MONTGOMERY, AL – New anti-abortion restrictions signed into law by Governor Kay Ivey are being hailed by pro-life activists as a major victory.

The new law falls short of banning abortion, but requires that anyone involved in an abortion be executed.

“Life is a precious and begins at conception, so it is imperative that we protect life by executing anyone involved in the taking of life,” said Ivey upon signing the legislation, adding “whether you’re the parent of an aborted child, the doctor performing the abortion, or anyone facilitating an abortion, if you’re involved, a sheriff will knock on your door, you will be arrested, and executed in a manner consistent with the dignity of life. Period”.

Pro-life activist Abby Johnson is celebrating the news, telling BeetPress “this legislation will protect life by killing anyone who stands in the way of precious life, from the anesthesiologist to the receptionist at the clinic, if you have any role in carrying out an abortion, you will be slowly and painfully executed. This is a big success for life!”

Some argue that the law doesn’t go far enough, including Eric Johnston, founder of the Alabama Pro-Life Coalition , saying “anyone who has knowledge that a woman is about to have an abortion but does nothing to stop it is in violation of the law and will be executed; anyone who miscarries will be executed. Anyone who sends a bill to a person for abortion services rendered… they and their families will be rounded up and placed in a damp holding cell until they are sent for execution. But what about people who post pro-choice crap on Facebook? Shouldn’t they also be executed?”

In addition to executing anyone involved in the facilitation of abortions, the law also stipulates that anyone who has had or provided an abortion in the State of Alabama after 1998 is also in violation of the law and will be executed.

“This law recognizes that we must do all we can to protect our unborn, and anyone who disagrees will be executed,” said Ivey, who also noted that 25 additional execution chambers are being built throughout the state to carry out up to 200 daily death sentences by both lethal injection and electrocution. When asked how the law would be funded, Ivey quipped “by eliminating early childhood education and nutrition assistance programs for low-income mothers”.

“When people think of Alabama, they’ll think about life,” the Governor added.

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Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

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