De Blasio Looks at 2020 Candidate Field, Thinks ‘Yeah, I Should Run’

NEW YORK – Looking over a list of 23 democrats currently running for president, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio thought to himself, “Yeah, I should definitely run for president”.

The mayor, who has a 36% approval rating in New York City and a 24% favorability rating in the state overall, looked at names like Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, and Elizabeth Warren and thought to himself “I for sure have a chance at winning the primary, defeating Donald Trump, and becoming President of the United States”.

“Hey, if Mayor Pete [Buttigieg, mayor of South Bend, IN] can run, so can I,” the Mayor told a supporter outside of city hall, adding “once I enter the race, my poll numbers will rise to the top, just watch.”

The supporter was seen shortly after the interaction walking away from the mayor, rolling his eyes and sarcastically mouthing the words ‘yeah, okay’.

Upon hearing the news of his candidacy, former New York City Michael Bloomberg commented “What? Bill’s running? Shit, I gotta get on the ball. Count me in too,” an apparent presidential announcement of his own.

Statistician and political analyst Nate Silver responded by saying “de Blasio doesn’t have many specific policy ideas, and that’s exactly what American voters are hungry for. The fact that his last name isn’t Trump will certainly resonate with voters”.

Buoyed by the news that another city leader has entered the race, mayors around the country have announced their intentions to run, including Atlanta mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms, Charlotte mayor Viola Lyles, Manchester, NH mayor Joyce Craig, Lincoln, NE mayor Chris Beutler, and Raymond O’Connell, interim mayor of Allentown, PA. Disgraced former congressman and failed New York mayoral candidate also announced his intention to run, issuing a statement that read in part “fuck it, count me in too”.

As of press time, BeetPress’s political analyst reported that Montana governor Steve Bullock was for sure going to win, so everyone else might as well drop out now and save themselves the embarrassment.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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