Boeing Execs Thrilled to Learn Russian Crash Plane Not 737

CHICAGO – Sitting anxiously in an executive break room as CNN reported news that an airliner carrying 78 souls crash-landed in a fireball at Moscow’s Sheremetyevo International Airport, Boeing Executives were relieved to discover that the crashed Aeroflot plane was not a Boeing 737.

“When we saw breaking news of a plane crash involving an Aeroflot jetliner, we all get a little nervous. They have about fifty 737-8s in their fleet, but quite a bit more Airbus [Boeing’s main competitor],” said Ted Colbert, Senior Vice President, Information Technology & Data Analytics, adding “but when we heard them mention it was a Sukhoi Superjet, we were still pretty pleased”.

Upon hearing the news that the stricken airliner, in which at least 41 people perished in a fiery inferno, was not a Boeing plane, audible shouts, cheers, and applause were heard throughout corporate headquarters, although some executives did display some level of disappointment.

“When you hear about a plane going down, your first thought is always ‘let it be Airbus, let it be Airbus'”, said Jenette Ramos, Senior Vice President of Manufacturing, Supply Chain, and Operations. “But having it turn out to be a soviet-made plane is a reasonable consolation”.

Boeing has come under fire recently for back-to-back crashes of its popular 737-series jetliner caused by a defect in a software-based automation system. Several hundred planes remain grounded as Boeing works with the FAA to solve the issue.

Boeing CEO Dennis Muilenburg told BeetPress “the best case scenario is that an Airbus plane will go down with significant loss of life – it’s what we hope for every day. And when news breaks of a plane crash, we always get a little nervous. If it’s one of ours, that’s bad publicity. If it’s one of theirs, we break out the Champagne. Sukhoi isn’t really a direct competitor of ours, so there’s not much to celebrate other than the fact that it wasn’t a Boeing”.

As of press time, Muilenburg had decided that the occasion warranted a toast anyway.

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Categories: Business, Satire

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