“Mayor Pete” Buttigieg Surges in GOP Polls

WASHINGTON, DC – South Bend, IN mayor Pete Buttigieg is now neck and neck with President Donald Trump in the latest CNN poll of likely republican voters.

The surprising results reflect a 28-point jump in support in GOP polls for Buttigieg, with Trump now polling at 37%, Buttigieg at 32%, and former Massachusetts Governor Bill Weld at 10%, with 21% of voters polled saying they’re undecided.

Republican voters cite the fact that Buttigieg is a devout Christian and military veteran as their main reasons for supporting him, but also note his positions against Medicare for All, free college tuition, and extending voting rights to prisoners as key factors in their support.

“We need a president that will stand up to the libturds [sic] in congress,” said Chester McNulty, a New Hampshire republican who supported Trump in 2016, adding “Trump hasn’t gone far enough to hammer down socialists in congress like Anastasia O’Cortez [sic] and Nancy Pelosi. Mayor Pete is against all the things I’m against and he’s gonna make all those deadbeat stoner kids join the military”.

Others have noted that Buttigieg is best positioned to beat the Democratic Party in 2020, including Diane Wallace of Dayton, saying “the democrats are going to be running on things like giving everyone healthcare, education, a living wage, and ending all these wars. Mayor Pete is the best candidate to stop that madness dead in its tracks”.

The national attention that Buttigieg has gained recently is paying big dividends with many top bundlers and fundraisers adding handsomely to his campaign coffers.

“We’re seeing big checks being written by Raytheon, ExxonMobile, and UnitedHealth Group”, commented CNN Political Analyst Chris Cillizza, who continued “and that really reflects the power of Pete’s campaign. He’s differentiating himself from Trump, he’s young and charismatic, he’s squeaky clean, he really is the republican’s dream candidate”.

As of press time, Mayor Pete was seen at a rally in Cedar Rapids addressing a group of confused yet mesmerized voters in fluent Norwegian.




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Categories: Politics, Satire

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