Eiffel Tower Feeling Pretty Cocky Right Now

PARIS – Upon hearing the news that the iconic Notre-Dame de Paris cathedral is currently ablaze, the Eiffel Tower has admitted that it’s feeling pretty good right now.

“Well, would you look at that”, said the 1063-foot wrought iron lattice tower, gazing across the 7th Arrondissement at the burning cathedral, shaking its communications mast. “What a shame”.

While the Eiffel Tower stands as a monumental symbol of Parisian engineering and ingenuity, the 130-year old tower typically receives several million fewer visitors than the symbolic and architecturally significant Catholic cathedral that is the most visited site in France.

American tourist Lenny McBride, who had planned on visiting Notre-Dame later this week, has had to change his plans due to the recent inferno at the 856-year old cathedral, considered to be a world treasure and the finest example of French gothic architecture, saying “I guess the wife and I will check out the Eiffel tower instead”.

“There are many wonderful reasons to visit me,” added the tower. “I was built in 1889 as the centerpiece of the Exposition Universalle, I’m the tallest structure in Paris, and I feature not one, but two restaurants. Ride my elevators up to the observation deck and you’ll be treated to unparalleled views of the City of Lights as you sip fine Champagne”.

As bereaved Parisians and everyday people around the world mourn the loss of the ornately adorned and buttressed edifice, which has been an inspiration for art, architecture, and literature the world over, the Eiffel Tower has been quick to proclaim: “Hey, I’m still here, and best of all, I’m not on fire!”

Teary-eyed visitors and residents of the city are currently imploring the Eiffel Tower to shut the fuck up for a few minutes and let them reflect in solemn peace.

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Categories: culture, Satire

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