WASHINGTON, DC – Today, the Trump Administration unveiled a plan to release thousands of illegal immigrants in the United States inside Elizabeth Warren’s house.
“If Pocahontas loves them so much, let her take care of them,” tweeted the president. “She’s a millionaire, I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
Warren responded by announcing she would take the first 1,000 immigrants on Friday. “I just need to rearrange some things and clean out the garage,” the Democratic hopeful proclaimed. “I’ll show the president! I’m a compassionate person!”
Other Democratic hopefuls criticized Warren for her actions. “This is just insane,” Corey Booker said in a statement. “Why not take two or three thousand? Taking only one thousand may split up some families!”
“She should take all the immigrants into her home that come across the border that day,” insisted Kamala Harris. “Or why bother? This is the worst kind of tokenism.”
A spokesman for Warren insisted that the Senator is pushing hard to add several floors on her house, but that they won’t be ready for several weeks.
“How could she not be ready for this challenge if she wants to be president?” asked Beto O’Rourke sadly. “Seems to me, if she truly believed in these policies, she would’ve added eight or nine floors to her house ahead of time.”
“What I want to know is this,” said Kristen Gillibrand during a campaign stop. “Why didn’t Senator Warren hire the illegal immigrants to build the addition on her home? That way she’d be giving them a job and a place to live.”
While the Democratic contenders continued to savage Warren on this issue, the tired Senator was hastily attempting to organize and sheet hundreds of bunk bed.
“I am personally throwing away all my personal belongings to do this!” proclaimed the senator defiantly. “Donald Trump, if you’re watching, this is how Democrats do things!”
The president tweeted the trollface gif and then reportedly laughed for twenty-five minutes straight. Sarah Huckabee Sanders would not confirm or deny that the president was breathlessly saying “Jesus Christ! How stupid is she? Jesus tap dancing Christ, how stupid?!”
© 2019 – Written by Tony DiGerolamo