Ken Marino Still Wants to Dip Balls in It

LOS ANGELES – According to those close to Ken Marino, known for his roles in the feature films Love for Rent, Wanderlust, and Wet Hot American Summer, as well as television shows The State, Party Down, and Marry Me, the 50-year old actor still wants to dip his balls in it.

“We were having lunch at this new pho restaurant in La Brea, and I asked Ken how the soup was,” explained Erica Oyama, wife of Marino. “He got this look on his face, stood up, and shouted ‘I want to dip my balls in it.’ I suppose it was funny in 1995, but now it’s just kind of pathetic”.

Marino’s penchant for wanting to dip his balls in it stems from his days as a cast member on the groundbreaking MTV sketch show The State, in which his character Louis responded to a variety of situations with the catchphrase “I want to dip my balls in it”, often exaggerating the word balls and revealing a pair golf balls.

Marino on The State in 1995

“He’s so embarrassing,” said son Riley Ken’ichi Marino, 12. “He took a couple of my friends to ice cream, and he literally said ‘I want to dip my balls in it’ when the lady asked what he thought of the rum butter ice cream he sampled. I literally wanted to die”.

Marino’s actions have gotten him into hot water recently on the set of the Netflix comedy series Medical Police. “We were filming a scene where one of the child actors vomits on the floor, and before I even called ‘cut’, Ken comes running in shouting ‘I want to dip my balls in it’,” according to series director Bill Benz. “We ended up having to reshoot the scene, and that costs money”.

The catchphrase has even been co-opted by Marino’s young daughter Ruby, much to the annoyance of his wife, who told BeetPress “I have teachers calling me up telling me my nine year old is saying she wants to dip her balls in it at school, and now I have to have to have a conversation with her about boy parts and girl parts. I’m not ready for this!”

As of press time, Marino was seen being removed from a local Baja Fresh after excitedly telling restaurant goers that he wanted to dip his balls in the salsa bar.

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Categories: Entertainment, Satire

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