LOS ANGELES – After the explosive allegations from documentary, Leaving Neverland, a new documentary called Forever Neverland claims Michael Jackson has literally molested everyone.
“At first, we weren’t sure where we were going with this,” admitted documentary filmmaker, Tad Lawrence. “But the more we questioned people, the more they started to remember that yes, Michael Jackson molested them.”
“I never even met Michael Jackson or listened to his music,” said Larry Donville of Huntington, Mass. “But after the relentless grilling of the documentary filmmakers, I became convinced that Michael Jackson did something very sinister to me.”
“I was at a family reunion with about four dozen of my relatives,” explained Mandy Keppers of Norris, Idaho. “The more we talked about it, the more we started to remember. And then the documentary film guys came in and well— that’s when we knew we all had the same experience with Michael Jackson!”
“My child was born two years after he died,” said Harriet Simmons of Great Lake, Michigan. “How do I tell him he was molested? How can I even explain it?”
The filmmakers theorize how Michael Jackson molested so many people.
“His incredible wealth allowed him to build secret tunnels all over Neverland Ranch. The amazing thing is, with 350 million people in the United States, he molested people at the rate of 18,855.2 people per day. That’s over 13 people per minute! That monster!”
The focus now is on the various police departments where Jackson lived over the course of his life and how they missed the clues. Also, why did we enable Jackson’s behavior even as he molested us all?
“The true is, we’ve all been molested by Michael Jackson,” said Police Chief, Todd Raneir. “You can’t blame me or my officers. We had to deal with this trauma too!”
“Michael Jackson molested us all,” tweeted Donald Trump. “Can’t blame him for molesting me. Who wouldn’t? But for the rest of the country? SAD.”
A spokesman for the Jackson estate is current fielding millions of lawsuits against the former singer.
“We ask the public to please be patient,” said the unnamed attorney. “Since I too was molested by Michael Jackson, as well as every judge and jurist— it may be impossible to try this case.”
© 2019 Written by Tony DiGerolamo