Mueller Report Reveals Alex Jones Right About Everything

In a shocking turn of events, the Mueller report has not only vindicated President Donald Trump, but host of Info Wars, Alex Jones as being 100% right on everything.

“I told you people!  I told you!” screeched Jones from his set as he ripped off his shirt.  “You all told me I was crazy!  Now who’s crazy!”

Amongst the findings that the Mueller Report proved conclusively:

  • The water is turning the frogs gay
  • Satanists are taking over America
  • The government controls the weather
  • Fifth-dimensional beings are turning us into cyborg hybrids to control us

In addition, Glen Beck finally admitted his long time commitment to working with the CIA.  “I only did it because I was trying to take down the Hillary Clinton pedophile ring operating out of a pizza restaurant,” Beck confessed.  “What I can’t figure out is why Mueller, a demon that’s also part of the same ring, would release this report.”

Americans across the country rose up and destroyed their television sets and smart phones, thereby silencing the surveillance equipment and mind control devices installed within by the NSA.

“Finally, everyone is waking up!” Jones cried on his latest podcast.  “You don’t know how long I’ve been at this.  How long I’ve been waiting.  It’s like a huge weight has finally been lifted!”

CNN, exposed as being entirely staffed by the lizard people, was gutted and torched by an angry mob.  Wolf Blitzer, his human mask partially damaged, was seen entering a black helicopter where he was whisked away to an unknown location.

Long time friend to Alex Jones, Joe Rogan, was also shocked.

“Bro, I thought that was just a bunch of crazy shit you say when we get high,” laughed Joe on his podcast.  “But that shit was real?!  Holy shit, bro!”

“Curse you, Jones!” said an elderly spokesman for the Bilderbergs.  “Curse you and your meddling ways!  We didn’t think you could defeat Big Oil, Big Tech and a clone army made up entirely of Lee Harvey Oswalds!”

“I too am foiled,” said a spokes being from the Fifth-dimension.  “Your Alex Jones is too strong!  The human has defeated all our mind control devices!  What fools we were to think we could win!”

© 2009 – Written by Tony DiGerolamo

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Categories: Entertainment, Satire

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