LOS ANGELES – In response to recent criticism of her late father from President Trump, Meghan McCain unveiled plans to build a glorious shrine to John McCain.
“John McCain was a great warrior!” said Meghan on the View, sporting a chain mail tunic and carrying a spear. “This dedicated temple will see to it that the Valkyries carry his spirit into the Halls of Valhalla, where he shall fight for eternity!”
McCain then punctuated the announcement by releasing a wild boar onto the stage, killing it with her spear and then taking a bite out of its still beating heart. With blood dripping from her mouth, she screamed in the face of Whoopi Goldberg.
“Meghan, you go girl!” Goldberg replied.
The proposed temple, modeled after the Temple of Mars from Augustus’s Rome, will be 200 acres, almost twice the size of Vatican City. It is to be built on the former site of Naval Air Station Alameda in California at a cost of $6.2 billion dollars. The shrine will include statues of McCain that reenact different eras of his life, a gladiatorial arena, and a gift shop. McCain has lobbied members of Congress for partial funding.
“She cornered me in my office and threatened to cut off my testicles with a sword,” revealed Senator Lindsey Graham. “But she’s got my vote. She’s a little spitfire, just like her dad!”
“All shall bow before McCain!” the younger McCain declared during a Fox News interview. “You shall pay his tribute in alms or in blood!”
When one of the Fox commentators asked McCain why she was building the shrine at all, the late senator’s daughter stabbed her in thigh, then proclaimed, “The shrine is dedicated to battle and war! My father devoted his life to seeking glorious conflicts so we all might die a heroic death against our rivals! This shrine shall help usher in a new age in which America shall wipe all its enemies from the face of the Earth! It is my destiny to fulfill his dream and plunge us into battle against the world!”
The Fox commentator, weak from blood loss, asked McCain if she would support President Trump’s new proposed budget. She replied, “Trump is weak! I am strong! McCain blood runs in my veins! All shall bow before McCain! Those who will not submit shall perish! Those who join me will live forever and find epic glory in war! Hahahahahaha!”
© 2019 – Written by Tony DiGerolamo