Biden Has the Most Progressive Records

WILMINGTON, DE – Hinting at a potential presidential run, former Vice President Joe Biden spoke to members of the Delaware State Democratic Party on Saturday.

“I’m told I get criticized by the New Left. I have the most progressive records of anyone running for the -“, Biden said before correcting himself, “- anybody who would run”. The slip up brought thunderous applause and a standing ovation from the audience.

Biden, who has been considering a 2020 run for months, has been collecting progressive records since the mid-1970s, shortly after he was elected to the senate.

“When I first heard Aqualung [Jethro Tull album], my life changed,” Biden continued after the applause began to wane, adding “I’d been listening to a lot of classic rock stuff, you know, the Doors, the Stones, but once I heard this experimental, long form music, I couldn’t get enough.”

Some of the progressive records in Biden’s collection include Close to the Edge and Fragile by the English band Yes, Eldorado by the Electric Light Orchestra, A Farewell to Kings by Rush, The Grand Illusion by Styx, and even newer material such as Images and Worlds by Dream Theater.

A sampling of Biden’s progressive records

When compared with lists of records from other candidates, it’s clear that Biden has the most progressive records, accounting for over 70% of his 200-plus record collection. In fact, there are great variations in the records of all the candidates. Bernie Sander’s records consist mostly of folk rock such as Simon and Garfunkel’s Bookends while Beto O’Rourke’s record collection is primarily punk including Minor Threat and Fugazi. Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren favor Jazz, while Amy Klobuchar’s records consist of mostly adult contemporary.

It remains unclear whether or not Biden’s progressive records will have any influence the primary. According to political analyst Nate Silver, “While records have gained in popularity in recent years, most younger voters are looking for a candidate that shares their values and their Spotify playlists. I really can’t see Biden’s or anyone else’s records as having any significant impact in this election”.

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Categories: Music, Satire

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