CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has announced that it is developing a brand new app that comes loaded into every iPhone that will alert the user every time he or she [or any gender-neutral pronoun] should be outraged. “Apple is always… Read More ›
Month: March 2019
Bigshot Sanders Supporter Donates $28
PALO ALTO, CA – Upon hearing a call to action at a recent Bernie Sanders Rally, local web developer and Mr. Moneybags Chris Corrigan logged into ActBlue.com and donated $28 to Bernie Sander’s 2020 presidential campaign. “I hear that the… Read More ›
Mueller Pulls All-nighter to Finish Report
WASHINGTON, DC – A visibly exhausted Robert Mueller turned in his report to the Justice Department on Friday almost 30 minutes past the deadline. “Listen, I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life, and I’m trying to juggle… Read More ›
Disney Merges With 21st Century Fox
HOLLYWOOD, CA – It’s official: Disney is taking over the world! With the merger of Disney Studios and 21st Century Fox, there is sure to come more than a few changes to movies, franchises, and characters. BeetPress spoke to Bob… Read More ›
Bernie Sanders Refines Revolution: Make McRib Available Year-round
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – At a campaign Rally in San Francisco on Sunday, presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders refined the details of his revolution to demand that fast food chain McDonalds make the McRib available year round, calling access to the… Read More ›
Twitter User Suspended, #freebeth Movement Launched
Millions of Twitter users were shocked to discover, upon waking up this morning, that popular satirist and critical thinker who goes by the handle @bourgeoisalien has been silenced. The page, run by an individual known only as Beth, was followed… Read More ›
Mueller Report Reveals Alex Jones Right About Everything
In a shocking turn of events, the Mueller report has not only vindicated President Donald Trump, but host of Info Wars, Alex Jones as being 100% right on everything. “I told you people! I told you!” screeched Jones from his… Read More ›
