Martin Shkreli named Pfizer CEO
NEW YORK, NY – In a move that has surprised investors, former Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli was named the CEO of drugmaker Pfizer on Friday. The announcement comes just days before […]
Donna Summer Fam Pushes Back After Harry Styles Named New Queen of Disco
LONDON, ENGLAND – Family members and fans of the late disco superstar Donna Summers are furious after Rolling Stone UK published a cover story naming former One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles the […]
Elon Musk pledges to buy the Delaware Court of Chancery
GEORGETOWN, DE – Citing his displeasure with the Court’s decision to hear a lawsuit filed by the social media giant Twitter to force him to honor a purchase agreement made in April, […]
Republican Lawmakers Call for Reversal of Lawn Dart Ban
WASHINGTON, DC – Republican lawmakers, including Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert (R-03) are calling for a reversal of the decades-old ban on lawn darts. “We live in a country where semi-automatic rifles are […]
“Kaylee Would Have Wanted 2nd Amendment Rights”, Says Senator of Slain 6 Year Old
UVALDE, TX – Texas Senator Ted Cruz paid tribute to the victims of a mass shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde Tuesday that killed fourteen students and one teacher saying “I […]
Pelosi Recommends Ice Cream to Fill Baby Formula Gap
WASHINGTON, DC – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has suggested that mothers unable to purchase baby formula consider feeding their infants ice cream as a temporary measure until the United States supply of […]
Republicans Propose “Plan C” to Force Fetuses into Unpregnant Women
WASHINGTON, DC – According to a leaked memo, Republican lawmakers are planning to introduce legislation that will mandate women of reproductive age who have not had a child within the past five […]
Desperate Liberals Beg Susan Sarandon for Abortion Rights
LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon learning through leaked documents that the Supreme Court intends to overturn the landmark abortion-rights case Roe v Wade, desperate liberals are pleading with actress Susan Sarandon to […]
Liberals Flock to Truth Social After Elon Musk Twitter Takeover
CALIFORNIA – Fulfilling a pledge to leave the social media platform if purchased by billionaire Elon Musk, liberal Twitter users are flocking to alternative social media platforms including Truth Social. Musk’s purchase […]
C-SPAN Quietly Drops C+PLUS Streaming Service
WASHINGTON, DC – In light of the failure of CNN+ to gain traction in the streaming news and information sector, C-SPAN has announced they they are abandoning plans for their C+PLUS streaming […]
