Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror escapes to Cancún
HOUSTON, TX – According to sources close to the Texas senator, Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror has removed itself from the wall and left the residence for good. “I’ve taken a lot of […]
Ted Cruz travels to Mexico for black market COVID-19 vaccines for uninsured TX residents
CANCUN, MEXICO – Texas Senator Ted Cruz has traveled to Cancun Mexico in order to secure a stockpile of black market COVID-19 vaccines to inoculate approximately 5 million uninsured Texans. “I couldn’t […]
Evidence emerges Andrew Cuomo created Covid-19 to boost public image
ALBANY, NY – A stunning report released by New York Attorney General Letitia James is giving clear evidence that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo created Covid-19 in an attempt to bolster his […]
Neera Tanden pregnant with Hillary Clinton’s lizard child
WASHINGTON, DC – President of the think tank Center for American Progress and Director of the Office of Management and Budget nominee Neera Tanden is pregnant with Hillary Clinton’s lizard child, sources […]
Kyle Rittenhouse accidentally shoots off own penis
KENOSHA, WI – In what is being described as an unfortunate mishap, 18-year old accused murder Kyle Rittenhouse has reportedly shot off his own penis. “Mr. Rittenhouse was demonstrating a new Walther […]
Pelosi suffers ice cream headache
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reportedly suffered from a severe ice cream headache Wednesday after voraciously consuming an entire pint of Häagen-Dazs butter pecan ice cream. “I was in […]
Elon Musk buys Bolivia, renames it ß-Œ 54-e-A
LA PAZ, BOLIVIA – In a move he describes as a no brainer, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has purchased the South American country of Bolivia for $40.5 billion and renamed it ß-Œ […]
Errant Jewish space laser damages Hollywood sign
LOS ANGELES, CA – In what is being described as an unfortunate mishap, the Jewish Space Laser Agency reportedly damaged the iconic Hollywood Sign with a space laser. “We were conducting some […]
Marjorie Taylor Greene appointed GA Executioner to quell insatiable bloodlust
ATLANTA, GA – In what lawmakers say is a move to satisfy her insatiable desire to kill, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) has been appointed a Georgia State Executioner. “We figured it’s […]
This is only a test
PORTLAND, OR – This is a test. This is only a test. If this were an actual article, you’d be laughing hysterically. Or not. The purpose of this test is to see […]
