The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’
BOSTON, MA – Senator Elizabeth Warren has released her third memoir and 12th book overall, Persist. In the memoir, a copy of which was obtained by BeetPress, Warren acknowledged publicly – now […]
Idaho offers free gun for COVID-19 vaccine receipts
BOISE, ID – Idaho Gov. Brad Little announced a new program Monday designed to incentivize state residents to get vaccinated by offering them a free gun. “We’re not going to be afraid […]
“Americans are so polarized that they can’t imagine a Hitler and a Michelle Obama being friends,” the former Dictator said
BERLIN, GERMANY – Former leader of the Third Reich and Führer of the Nazi Party Adolph Hitler said Sunday he was ‘shocked’ by people’s reaction to his public interactions with former first […]
Pelosi injured in Oakland-area street fight
OAKLAND, CA – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, 81, was taken to an area hospital on Wednesday after sustaining injuries in a street fight, according to a spokesperson from the Alameda County Sheriff’s […]
Prince Philip just napping, report embarrassed Palace guards
LONDON, ENGLAND – Buckingham Palace has retracted its report that the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, 99, has died. “I’m embarrassed to say we make this mistake at least once per month, […]
John Delaney named ‘World’s Sexiest Bald Man’, according to new study
WASHINGTON, DC – Researchers have discovered that former Maryland congressman and democratic presidential candidate John Delaney was described as “sexy” 17.6 million times in blogs, reports and pages found through Google search, […]
American Girlfriends Demand More Hard Seltzer Choices
NEW YORK, NY – Spring is finally here, and girlfriends across the country are ready to put the trauma of the past year behind them and meet up with their gal-pals to […]
BrooklynDad_Defiant! will egg your ex’s house for $250
NEW YORK, NY – Sources close to the political activist report that BrooklynDad_Defiant!, as he is known on twitter under the handle @mmpadellan, will egg your ex’s house for as little as […]
Prince Tuesday and Ana Platypus sit down for interview with Oprah
NEIGHBORHOOD OF MAKE BELIEVE – Oprah Winfrey sat down for an extended interview with Prince Tuesday and Ornithorhynchus Anatinus “Ana” Platypus this week, marking the first time the royal couple has agreed […]
Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror escapes to Cancún
HOUSTON, TX – According to sources close to the Texas senator, Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror has removed itself from the wall and left the residence for good. “I’ve taken a lot of […]
